A Glass of Gainz: A Re-imagining


Photo Credited to: James Lee


I sit here doing weighted one arm pull ups while sipping my old fashioned mixed with protein powder on the rocks, thinking about the many young bros in the world without the knowledge of class in the gym. I feel that it is my duty as a disciple of the iron temple to bestow my this knowledge upon them and I will start with a quote. As a great man once said,

” It’s all about looking the part, and when you’re not lifting, still looking the part.”

Me- 2016

Many lift and lift but just go home and do what… eat mundane chicken and rice? No, NO, a man or woman must drink and eat the foods for the soul, not just for the arms. Your demeanor in the gym is just as important as in your everyday life. Wear your muscles like that Versacé suit you bought with your inheritance money. The only way to do so… eat right, treat your body like the solid gold temple it is and what better way to do this than with Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne ($2 Million dollars by the way).

I learned this lesson one late night by my mentor Arnold Schwarzenegger in a gym in Dubai. We discussed culture, women, clothing, business, but most importantly… gainz. He told me that the best way to make them is a good glass of champagne and a fine truffle crusted chicken breast with solid gold flakes. A more expensive body is a better body as we say. So next time you get done curling and benching, go home and make that Kobé beef, top it with your favorite Serbian Camembert cheese and sit down, look through the countless gym selfies you take of yourself, and bask in your own muscly glory. Some may call this life ridiculous but they aren’t the ones with 24 inch arms and protein stuffed lobsters for breakfast Always remember, a drink with weights is the way to success, and what you choose to drink will determine your path to success. Stay thirsty my brotegés and Gym rats, stay hungry, and lift with class with your 24k gold Fitbit.


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